Determining Your Goals - SMART Steps and Ladders

I feel like we are constantly working towards a goal and never quite getting there. This is probably because we are setting our sights too high. We say to each other, “I want Alex to eat a Hershey pudding cup this weekend because it’s just like his Hershey bar just in a different texture. He can do it.” But in reality, that seemingly simple food to bridge is the scariest prospect in the world for him and not likely to be achievable.

Since my day job is now working with high school students, I’ve been remembering how when I was in school we were always taught to make our goals SMART. Specific. Measurable. Achievable. Relevant. Timely. While the goal of the pudding cup is a specific and relevant goal, is it achievable in the time in which I wanted it to happen? Probably not. So it’s not a smart goal and likely only going to set us up for failure.

To determine what our family goals should be in regards to Alex’s eating, we need to first figure out as a family what the long term goals need to be that are in Alex’s best interest. Once the long term goals are in place, things that may be years before they are within reach, then we can break those down into smaller, more realistic goals to help him build his confidence and make those long term goals possible.

So for starters, simply put, what I want for Alex long term is to be able to live life without the fear of his health being a limitation. In actuality it doesn’t matter to me what he is able to consume as long as he can find a good balance that he can sustain a healthy lifestyle without fear being a daily struggle.

So how do I make the long term achievable for him? I have to break it down into smaller goals… the steps that are going to lead us there. These may be difficult to reach on our own and we may (or I should say probably will) have to break it down even further… into smaller goals that collectively help him reach the next step. I’ll call these even smaller goals our ladders. Breaking down everything into the most simplistic actions possible will help us make these actions achievable.

Excuse my poorly drawn visual, but this is how I visualize our goals.

At each step in the process, we need to ask ourselves why this particular goal is meaningful and how will it impact our ability in reaching the next step.

Why is the stage of simply being comfortable around other people eating important? Most social situations will involve food in some fashion at some point. It’s just the way life is. His social well being can be severely impacted if he limits his social interactions to non-food related activities. He can’t let the sights and smells impede his ability to interact with family and friends throughout his life. Before I can expect him to be used to the food even just being on his plate, I have to be sure he can be comfortable with food he dislikes being in close proximity.

Referring back to my crudely drawn image above, each step is going to require little mini-steps in between to build his confidence to conquer each step. In my mind I’m picturing these mini steps as ladder rungs helping him climb towards his goals. To make myself accountable, I’m going to outline what I have in mind for our short term and mini-goals for you. Maybe something I’m planning is going to help you on your own journey.

Step 1: Be comfortable around others while they eat.

I’ve already outlined a bit above why this is such an important starting off point. Without being comfortable around food in general, whether it’s on his plate or someone else’s, I can’t expect him to gain any ground on his other goals. So a few ideas I have to work with him on this are as follows:

• Set a timer for Alex to sit with us at dinner. Maybe week 1 we require him only to stay 5 minutes and then week 2 we extend it to 10. We may also set a goal of him staying until the first person excuses themselves from the table at the end of their meal. As we continue, we extend it to him eating his safe foods while the rest of us eat whatever meal we are having.

• Have Alex sit at the kitchen table while dinner is prepared. This gets him used to the various smells and he can see what goes into making the foods everyone else is eating.

Step 2: Be comfortable with non-safe foods on his plate.

Acceptance is a stage we have to get Alex to in order for him to mentally prepare himself for trying new foods. The repetition of seeing the foods on his plate and seeing that their presence doesn’t change the food his eating is a mindset that he is going to have to develop over time. A few mini goals on our ladder in this stage of the game may be as follows:

• Allow “bad” crackers to stay on his plate, eating around them to show that one bad cracker in the bunch doesn’t mean their presence makes the others bad.

• Use a divided plate with spoonfuls of foods that we are eating as a family alongside Alex’s safe foods. Maybe week 1 we only have 1 food from our meal present and then week 2 have 2 until he can have a little bit of everything in front of him.

• Have him dispose of his uneaten food properly using utensils to scrap items off his plate and rinsing the plate afterwards.

Step 3: Be comfortable preparing food for himself and others

By knowing the ingredients and steps involved in the cooking process, he can better mentally prepare himself for the actual act of eating. Some ways to help him build up to this step may include the following:

• Actively assist in grocery shopping. Select the items off the shelf, helping to bag the groceries and put them away once we get home.

• Helping to add the dry ingredients to meals I’m preparing.

• Helping with the wet ingredients and act of mixing.

• Look into enrolling Alex in a kids cooking class through the town.

• When he’s old enough, speaking to his school to add a cooking class to his schedule.

• Cooking sessions with Gigi to assist making her Sunday lunches she’s so famous for in our family

Step 4: Be comfortable trying new food.

Ahhhh… now we get to the actual act of putting something new in his mouth! It seems like it’s been such a long path to get here but the stepping stones that led us here are all going to be essential. So what can we do now that we are here to foster his progress? Here’s some ideas I have:

• Have him pick out a food at the store that he finds interesting to try.

• Have him try a food he has prepared himself.

• Try food chaining. Start off slow with a food he already knows and likes. That Hershey pudding I mentioned like five minutes ago? This is now the time to try it.

It’s important to remember for both Alex and all of us helping him that to ultimately reach the long term goal, we may have to go back and revisit a step or climb back up and down a ladder several times. All of these short term and mini goals along the way may not be a one and done activity but introducing a lifestyle change. Maybe we climb the stairs first focusing just on sweet foods and rest run to step 2 to get comfortable with more salty options. Meats, fruits and vegetables all get their turn to rise to the occasion.

Remember it's a marathon and not a race.