Our Family Food Fight

Let me first start by introducing our family. I am Nina. Mom and wife are my two most important roles in life. Tony is my husband. He and I met just before my freshman year of college and started dating when my oldest son, Jared, was almost 2 years old. Seven years later, we married and made our little family official. Three years after that in 2013, we welcomed our twins, Alex and Michael for our family to be complete. I was always a picky eater myself. Never liked hamburgers or steak which was the opposite of normal in my family. I could've eaten spaghetti every single night and been perfectly content. Heck, I'm still that way but do my best to mix it up some for everyone else in the house. Although they really don't think I mix it up enough. I remember I had a bit of a fear of trying new things and have always had a terrible gag reflux which only added to the problem when it came to trying new things. But despite my fear, I was able to enjoy quite a few "normal" meals - like chicken, ham, salads, various potatoes. It wasn't a vast diet but I could manage okay.

Our oldest son never had an issue with food. Luckily he loves trying new and exciting foods. I'm pretty sure he's even eaten squid or octopus before with his grandfather one time. He has zero fear when it comes to food. Well, all except one aversion he has that is unfortunately my fault. Spaghetti. I think he used to enjoy it. I just think in his 18 years, I've served it to him enough for anyone's lifetime that he just can't do it anymore.

My husband isn't what I would consider someone with food aversions. Certain things like garlic and onions are not his cup of tea and don't tell him if something has cream cheese in it. But his palate is quite a bit more advanced then 3/5th's of us I would say. How he was able to put up with my restrictive restaurant choices while we were dating is beyond my comprehension.

Now our twins... one in particular is what prompted me to need a safe place to hash out our fears, our progress, our wins and our losses. Michael and Alex had a normal gestation. I surprised doctors by making it to 37 weeks and the boys needed zero time in the NICU. Alex was our bigger twin at 6lbs 8oz and Michael was our munchkin at 5lbs 9oz. From day one, we thought Alex would be the protector and Michael would be the one needing a bit more attention through the years. We actually had that flipped.

They walked early at 9 months. Michael was first, followed by Alex a week later. Otherwise, developmentally they were both right on the mark for their age. The only thing was Alex wasn't cutting teeth like Michael was. As we tried introducing new foods, it was more difficult for Alex because he didn't have the teeth like Michael did. We used fresh food feeders to try and encourage him to keep on par with his brother. I even did extended breast feeding because I was so worried he wasn't getting all the nutrients he needed. And by extended... I went 2.5 years before I threw my hands in the air and said I was done. Yeah, that's right... two and a half years with TWINS. We tried to introduce stage 3 baby foods and Alex would gag on them. He didn't have his first tooth until after he was 18 months old and I felt (still feel) like that played a big role in his eating habits. Michael who had his teeth much sooner then his brother, ate everything we ate. He still does for the most part. Today he loves eating salads, cucumbers, strawberries... he's the healthy eater in our family for sure. If I could just cut their diets down the middle and let them share... oh the joy that would bring.

Alex's eating didn't get much better as he got older. At one point, we had him eating blueberry nutrigrain bars and two different types of yogurt. He had eaten a few chicken nuggets and a handful of grilled cheeses in those early two or so years but stuck mostly to stage 2 baby foods. I made the mistake of taking baby food away thinking maybe, just maybe if he was hungry enough and didn't have those to fall back on that he would eat. Nope. When I realized that wasn't going to be the case, the damage was done and we no longer had pureed Chicken and Rice and Macaroni and Cheese with Vegetables to fall back on. Then the worst happened.

A stomach virus hit our family in January of 2017. After 3 days of vomiting and not being able to eat or drink, his little body didn't have anything left to sustain him. The morning when things took a turn for the worse, he still didn't seem right to me and I went to call off work. When I called though, I was told that a district manager was coming to visit and they couldn't have my department unattended. I reluctantly started getting ready to go in, only to get sick myself. I called them back and explained that the bug caused Alex to throw up some 17 times in just a couple of hours so having me come in while this is starting up in me was the worst idea ever. That was the one and only time I got sick though. I will always believe that some greater force kept me home that morning. After I was officially going to stay home, I curled up with Alex and not long after, found him to be unresponsive. In hindsight, I should've called an ambulance but we drove him in. His blood sugar didn't even register for the ER doctors and a quick shot of dextrose revived him. He vomited some more and lab results showed dehydration so we were admitted. They thought maybe he could go home the next day but his blood sugar tanked again and they had to call a code to get ER doctors up to his room to pull him out of it again. An ultrasound uncovered a fatty liver and the doctor told me he was confident that all it would take to return him to good health would be a good diet. The doctor didn't quite understand why that made me cry. My response, "telling me that is like you giving my child a death sentence." With Alex, it's not as simple as taking away a video game or trusting that he will eat when he's hungry. When there is an underlying fear, that fear is going to win every single time, especially in a small child. Until that fear can be addressed head on and beaten, the cutesy way I prepare a meal is going to do him absolutely no good and not end up helping him want to eat it. When I was a kid, I didn't know I was scared to eat certain things. I recognize the feeling now as an adult and thinking back to what triggers I had that are similar to his. That feeling is strong in me now even at 35 years old and hard for me to address. How can it be expected for him to overcome it at the age of 6 without tackling these things with him? That's what this journey is going to be about. Our literal fight with food and how together as a family we are going to try to help him want to help himself. He has told me that he WANTS to want to eat and try new things but he just can't bring himself to do it. We even went to the store not long ago to try and find something for him and he broke down sobbing in the middle of the aisle because there was NOTHING he could find that he was willing to eat. Which in turn broke me and I was sobbing like a baby in the cereal aisle of Dollar General. I was speaking to a friend yesterday and trying to describe what this is like. If you have ever had to watch as a friend, adolescent or adult, battle with Anorexia, imagine that struggle with eating but happening in a baby. Someone who doesn't have the body distortion aspect of the disease but just can't bring themselves to eat because an irrational fear just won't leave their head. It's heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking. Going back a little to what my intentions are for this blog... This is therapeutic to me in a way. I often feel so lost not being able to help him like he needs that anytime I can offer reassurance to a fellow parent who has to deal with a mealtime monster too, I'm all about that. Hopefully, if I share something here, someone will be able to have an 'Aha moment' and use it to help their own selective eater. If not, then I at least want everyone out there to know that they are not alone in this journey. It takes a village. Let my village be part of your village. Let my hope inspire you that you can overcome this hurdle. Let my fear bring you peace that others feel as you do.

If I could take the fear away from my son and battle it for him, I would in a heartbeat.

That's why this isn't just his fight.

It's ours. Together as a family we will overcome it.